turn and face the strange changes
by Maristela Freesia
Summary: It's a bittersweet feeling, being back.


**turn and face the strange changes**

_[blue jean baby, l.a. lady, seamstress for the band- pretty eyes, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man]_

Prom.

Somehow, Joy didn't imagine her prom would be any like this, for a variety of reasons. She always envisioned herself in a dress and not in grungy sneak-out clothes; she would be coming from her bedroom after hours of prep and talking with Patricia, not coming from a secret coalition's immortality ritual gone wrong; and namely, she always saw herself with Fabian.

Not for the first time, Joy looks up at Fabian and Nina dancing. They've come down from the stage, but they still wear the king and queen crowns. They look so happy, so sweet. It kind of makes her sick.

_Well, not really, _she amends. It's not that seeing them happy and smiling makes her sick; it's that in just the couple of months she's been gone, not only has she been essentially replaced by Nina, she's also kind of lost Fabian to her. It's a bittersweet feeling, being back. The sweet comes from the being back, the seeing everything again.

The bitter part comes from all the changes.

_[ballerina, you must've seen her dancing in the sand, and now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand]_

She's leaning against a wall in the back and she's perfectly fine being out of the way. After all, Joy's perfected her ability to be under the radar recently.

Unfortunately, her peaceful solitude is interrupted by Patricia- well, no, that's not exactly right. It's not unfortunate, just... not entirely welcome. But as she's correcting herself, she realizes that Patricia's started talking, and only manages to catch the end of what she was saying: "-all right? You look a little lonely."

Joy quickly pastes a plastic smile on her face- another recent skill, learned when she had to repeatedly tell her father that she didn't mind being spirited away. "I'm fine, just... thinking."

Patricia rolls her eyes. "Joy, we may have spent months apart, but I know when you're upset. I'm not stupid. What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she answers, a little too quickly and with too much force to be believed. She knows this as the words come out, and figures that she might as well give a hint. "Nothing," she repeats, but her eyes flicker to Fabian and Nina.

As expected, Patricia's eyes flit towards them too, and she looks at Joy with a knowing smile. "You still like him, don't you?"

Joy doesn't answer, just looks down at her feet. To her shock and shame, tears are prickling in the corners of her eyes.

Luckily, Patricia understands that she just hit a nerve, and doesn't say anything for a minute, but then blurts out, "You should go cut in!"

"I should go cut in?" Joy repeats dumbly, trying to figure out what she means. Isn't that what _guys_ do?

"Yeah, give him a dance. Nina probably won't mind, she knows what it's like to not see someone for months. Maybe he'll go for you!"

Joy can't help but feel that Patricia's being a little bit patronizing, or condescending, or something like "I'm just saying this so that maybe you'll feel a little better", or... well, that pretty much summed it up. Still, it wouldn't be a bad thing to get _one_ dance on the night of her prom. So she shakes her head. "I'll humor you."

Patricia smirks. "Good to have you back, Joy." Unexpectedly, she pulls Joy into a hug and then vanishes into the throng of people.

Joy smiles.

_[jesus freaks out in the streets, handing tickets out to god, turning back, she just laughs- the boulevard is not that bad]_

She's shy and scared but she makes her way towards Fabian and Nina just as some seventies piano song starts, the kind of thing her dad listens to. Fabian catches sight of her and waves her over, so she can "meet" Nina- at least, that's what he says to the public.

"Hi," Joy says breathlessly, in the tone of voice that only Fabian can provoke from her. Nina smiles, and it's so radiant that Joy feels jealousy popping up inside her, but presses it down instantly.

"Had any dances yet?" Nina asks, practically stuck like glue to him. Jealousy springs up to get shoved down once more.

"Not really," she admits shyly, figuring that if she plays the "it-may-be-my-only-dance-of-the-night" card, it'll help her case.

To her surprise, Nina actually pushes Fabian forward. "How about you two dance?" she asks, and Joy is struck by a lot of things- Nina's not just the Chosen One, she's compassionate, she's sweet, and not only is she willing to let her boyfriend dance with another girl, she's willing to push him towards it.

Fabian glances back at Nina uncertainly. "You sure?"

"Just one dance," Joy says, just at the same time that Nina does. They give each other surprised smiles, and then Nina floats away to talk to Amber, leaving just the two of them.

There's a single instant where neither of them can deny that they're connected, but that moment pass, and suddenly Joy's feeling more lost than before.

_[piano man, he makes his stand in the auditorium, looking on, she sings the songs- the words she knows, the tune she hums]_

They move around in silence, until a minute or two into the song, when Fabian finally says, "It's great to have you back."

Joy smiles, relieved- she was worried he'd preferred things without her. "It's really great to be back," she answers, but before she can stop herself, adds the bitter coda of "Even though everything changed."

For the briefest of instants, Fabian's face is marred by something dark that looks eerily like regret, but the moment passes. "You're not talking about Mick and Mara, are you?" he asks, the joking words not matching the flat tone.

She shakes her head. "I mean _everything,_ including them. This whole thing changed all of us."

He nods thoughtfully. "It's weird... but I sort of think it made us _better._"

"I, for one, learned that if somebody calls for me and I'm not sure who they are, I should _not_ trust them, even if the principal says they're safe." Joy rolls her eyes- looking back, she feels kind of stupid.

"I learned a lot of things," Fabian murmurs.

"Like what?" she presses. She just said something, now it's his turn.

"Like... sometimes, that perfect person is right there, waiting for you." He's quiet and sort of out of it.

"So, I guess that means that you and Nina..." Joy's question trails off into the tumultous agony in her mind. She'd actually convinced herself that maybe, just maybe, she had a chance with him. Now she can see how stupid of her that was.

"Yeah," Fabian says, his attitude completely different now. He's happy, not knowing he crushed her heart.

"You really like her?" There's a little hesitation in her voice.

"Definitely." There's none at all in his.

And then Joy does something so impossibly stupid, so completely impulsive and reckless that she wishes that her mind worked fast enough to stop things like this.

"Did you ever like me like that?"

Fabian doesn't answer.

_[but oh, how it feels so real, lying here with no one near, only you, and you can hear me when i say softly, slowly]_

The song stretches for an eternity.

It's the most humiliating point in Joy's life. Normally she's the calm one, the rational one, the one who doesn't ask questions that are essentially "Do you love me?" to a boy who has a girlfriend. But it's a magical night and she's apparently willing to let that control her mouth.

Still, Fabian hasn't so much as looked her in the eye for the last three minutes while the song plays. He's too sweet to actually abandon her on the dance floor and _geniuinely_ humiliate her, but she can feel that he wishes she hadn't asked. It's one of those questions that's hard to answer- a yes sparks too much hope, a no sparks too much hurt. And worst of all is the lack of an answer. She won't deny that it really hurts.

After what seems like forever, the song draws to a close, and Nina sort of saunters up to them. "You ready?" she asks, seeming to ask if they're ready to give each other up.

While Joy wants to scream that no, she'll never be ready, Fabian nods. "It's _really_ good to see you again, Joy," he says, leaning in for one last hug.

She wraps her arms around him and gives him a quick squeeze, but it seems that it's not just a farewell, because he leans in and puts his lips by her hair, next to her ear. "Yes," he breathes, then pulls away, and wraps his arms around Nina to begin another dance.

Stunned, Joy makes her way back to the wall where she was before. _Yes._

As in, _Yes, I care for you._

Patricia is waiting for her in the wall. "Good dance?" she asks with a knowing smirk.

Joy watches as Fabian and Nina dance again, smiling softly. "Great."

_[hold me closer, tiny dancer, count the headlights on the highway, lay me down in sheets of linen, you've had a busy day today]_

_**[hold me closer, tiny dancer]**_

**I don't know if you've noticed, but I'd like to point out how astoundingly similar this is to my story Something Magical. I must have a very unoriginal mind to use the same plot twice.**

**But it takes a very original mind to think of my odd little multichap that I'll be uploading soon... and trust me, you're going to think I'm either brilliant or psychotic.**

**Anyways, the song (that they were dancing to, in my mind) that the lyrics are from is Tiny Dancer by Elton John. I was listening to the radio, this came on... it just clicked. And for the record, while I do happen to be a Fabina shipper, I'm not opposed to the Joybian idea, so long as it mainly takes place pre-Nina. (Or something like this.) I hope you liked it, concrit is love, blah blah blah... thanks for reading. Love, Mari.**


End file.
